themikey.com

summer_summer

leaving tabulas. but still keeping it.. past post cant easily be rejected!

http://pentaxine.blogspot.com/

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i hate my mother!

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want to read this crap? lol

well, i spent most of my time sleeping and slippin away from the real world. heck, im here doing my thesis. im about to hit the sack when i realized i havent checked my tabulas in a while. i wanted to personalized this page, to express who i really am through the design and all that but, its been years; i havent done anything nice in this site. its kind of hard dealing with the codes and modifications, especially here in tabulas. im plannin to switch sumwer   

yeah, alot of things happened to me i cant even put them in words. but right now, im okay and that's all that matters!  

hatred, love, happiness and doubts. 

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crap. bullshit

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how would u feel when u see ur family breaking apart?

or how would u suppose to feel?

this is too much..

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it's 2009 and i really wanna change my outlook in life. i wanna start it with less pain in my heart. you know what, im an INDEPENDENT WOMAN. i can of course make it without him because its given that he is not really with me. lol

so i dont need him to drive me somewhere. i dont need him to protect me. i dont need him to fetch and pick me up somewhere. i dont need him when im lonely. i just love the idea that i need him. and im goin to work on that this year. maybe, he also just love the idea of me. I'd put up alot of emotional drama for the past year and though i love him much that im willing to wait for like ten thousand days just to be with him, i also do love myself.  and heck, i kept on claiming that i love my mighty self and i cant even find happiness on my own. but yeah, i just hope i'll sleep peacefully tonight. that's all i ask. it's not too much.

i badly wanted to be taken away as i sleep tonight. far away.. really

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my first pic for this year! haha

so yeah, i'll be facing 2009 with overwhelming positivity though i had lost a great friendship on the very first day of the year. well it's kind of sad coz he's my friend but this is the price i got to pay for defending the people i love. though i didnt know it's comming, i let it be coz i know there are reasons for everything; and whatever that is, i know it'll be sumthing good so first lesson for this year, people come and go. iit aint the first time, but this is the first time that i stopped for a while and think about things. i guess i'll just shut my mouth. lol. coz that would mean putting more fuel into that burning pit. it made me sad, but not really. haha

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for some reasons, i guess 2008 was quite memorable to me.

it is because within this year, i ventured to alot of things. i had my first times. i also had fun, i cried, i found new friends, reconciled, i made frenemies as well.

i met a lot of heartbreaks. i was greatly confused and scared.

at the same time, my heart leaped to the highest this year.

life was tossin and turnin me but it was all good. i was very grateful coz without those i would never be what i am right now.

though i cant really enumerate the blessings, i thank God for being there for me. He is my fortress and my strenght and though there are times that i feel like giving up, He was there to send me people whom reminds me that His love is great and that He also keeps on sending trials for me to solidfy my faith in Him.

God, I know i've been bad. I've committed alot of sinful   act this year. But, i wanna thank you for guiding me all throughout the way.

bon voyage 2009! i'll sail on!!

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i just had an argument with my tita. i never thought i could do that to her because it would be the last thing i wanna do, but yes, i just did. I'm pissed off not because of what she did to me earlier but its because i cannot take it anymore; the accumulated incidents were way up higher than the boiling point. why couldnt she just stop insulting my parents?!?! why couldnt she stop provoking us. i mean, wut the hell did we do for her to be so mean to us. Why does she have to know about everything within our (immediate) family. yes, maybe we have faults. we hurt them? huh? in what way? we broke the traditional family thing? don't we have the right to say NO? oh im sorry yes, it's a traditional family thing. isnt a SORRY enough? i mean, wutelse could we do to gain forgiveness? do we need to kneel down? what?! we already said SORRY. isnt that enough? yes, we listened to her side. that we miss the family thing and that the party was for our little siblings. they just dont know how fuck up things are!! and they keep on judging us. she keeps on talking! talking without knowing anything. cant she just slow down a bit? to be honest, i didnt like how she talks about bad things to my dad. na hambugero cia. na feeling datu! DATU btaw mi. in fact mangadto mig hilton. hahaha.. im hurt hearing those things especially when it comes to her. she's the last person i thought would say things like  that to my parents. the hell we care? wut did we to her? wut?!?! did we step off sumthing to lessen her dignity? no.well, that's the worst that i could think of as to why she's so mad about my parents. we didnt do anything to her. and whatever that's happening to our family, we have the right to tell them what we need to tell them but we also have the right to keep things for ourselves. and she should respect that. and she should know that as a daughter, i cant take it when somebody insults my parents. yes, she done that for alot of times already. i just stay silent coz i feel i have to respect her and she also has the right to say something. but if she claims to know how to understand things, then she shud put up with it and understand why im enraged like this. for god's sake, nobody can insult my parents like the way she always do. wether my parents are wrong or not, i'll defend them coz they're the one who took care of me. coz they're the ones who contributes who i am right now. because i saw them, especially my dad raised my little brothers and sisters. because i saw the hardship he'd been through just to see us in good condition. coz i know my parents well. most expecially because i knew them more than anybody does. i knew them more than she does! i knew the things they've been through. and she might not know, MY PARENTS ARE GREAT! i mean, yeah of course she could say the worst things she could ever say against my parents, she could judge us but isnt that a FOULthing to do?  telling those things to me? she could say it to other people but definitely not to me coz obviously i would really react. it triggered something in me. well blame it to science (stimuli-raction thing) she might not have the priviledge to know the what-abouts of my parents and were sorry for that because there are things meant to be kept and by that she should stop judging us. oh please.. leave us alone. oh no not really, that would be rude. atleast give us the right to be alone for a while. stop forcing things. and most especially stop provoking me. because i might turn to be somebody u might not expect me to be. ha! 

i was thinking why didnt we get those judgements from my dad's relatives? and yet we get all the false judgements to her? because she's honest? heck, to be honest too, she doesnt know about the real score.  i mean she doesnt have to, i just want her to stop insulting my parents. for always blaming them. we're happy with our lives okay?... and were working things out here.

well.. really. im hurt coz u know, she should give us air to breathe and shud stop pushing things. she'd been to pushy. and if there's someone i wanna be honest with, im sure its not her. after all she's said things against my parents, i dont think i could trust her.

im so sorry, but i would turn everything up side down and wreck the hell out of everything just to defend my parents. it's the least thing i could do to the people who raised me and my siblings. it's the least thing i could do to the persons who gave me my life. so back off.

sorry God for saying things like this.. i just really need to get it off my chest.